On Breaking-Up

After each break up, we need some time to recuperate. We have our own special remedy to cure a broken soul. After ten years of dating, here I am ones again in the shadow of inevitable misery and lonesome. We all believe in the saying that love is a game. Now I can’t help but wonder if love is some kind of sports and living happily ever after is the winning goal, after a decade of non-stop relationships, if I am a player, what are my stats?

All of us refuse to imagine ourselves winding up being alone when we are old and wrinkly. We may love our single selves but deep down inside, we secretly want to have that special person giving us a good morning kiss every day. However, looking for that special person is like searching for a needle in a pile of hay. Relationships are exhausting and after all break-ups we swear off this feeling only to find ourselves risking another one.

Before any relationships begin, we always remind ourselves that we are smarter and wiser and things will be different from the previous one. However, at the end of it that’s the only time we will find out that everything remain exactly the same.

Now that I am in a very confusing limbo, I assessed my past and keep track of my score. If I am a player, I can consider myself as a season veteran in this sport. I have quite a number of hook ups and relationships but I haven’t hit the winning goal. Does that mean I have to stop from playing and just give up? What about the lesson learned? The feeling of love and be loved and the intimate moments and nerve-wracking orgasm? Isn’t it pain, a part of life cycle? Every emotions and feelings are part of being a person hence twinge and affection is inevitable.

So I say despite of the heartaches and the failure, we as human being, should not give up on love. We must be reminded that it might take a long and weary road before we hit the living happily ever after goal but that makes us a real person… a human being. 

How Soon is Too Soon?

We always say that first impression always last. So when it comes to meeting new people, we put ourselves in our most behaved conduct to not scare the new person. But when it comes to dating and sex, how soon is too soon to shag? Do we honestly stop ourselves from touching each other because it’s just “the first date”?

Most women think that the longer men wait the better he is and on the other side of the planet, the longer men wait the eager they want to stick in to the relationship. As far as dating and sexing up is concern, whether the person is traditional or not, the common understanding is not to hit the home run on the first date if you are planning to take the relationship seriously. But if you are just after the sexing part and getting jiggy and naughty, then wait no more my friend.

Most men prefer to wait until the third or fourth date before popping your cherry. Vice versa, women prefer to wait so they can figure out if they are dating the right kind of man for them. But as my old folks would say, you will not really fully know a person until you live in a same roof. And a lot of times, there are jerks who will try to allure you with their charms and decent attitude but after they get what they want they will turn into a horrible monster that your mama is trying to tell you when you were still a kid.

Now the real question is, exactly when is the right moment for this? I personally don’t agree on the general idea that sex should be done on the fourth or third date. However, I do feel that waiting for the right moment is important. It’s really hard to tell when the right moment is. However all I can suggest is to make assessment and determine your feelings before making a choice.  I certainly believe that when you are ready to give yourself to somebody, you will know who, how and when you are going to do that.

Actually, there is no exact formula or general conduct when it comes to dating and sex. The idea of commitment or engaging yourself with selfless act of pleasure is something you can do without the need to learn the rules or laws. It is how you want to make yourself feel good and satisfied without making a fool of yourself or getting hurt.

Physical Attraction: Hypocrisy or Reality?

There are more than a billion people living in the world. Fifty one percent of the total population is composed by male species while the remaining 49% goes with the ladies. About 10% of these people are the ones you’ve met outside your door or living across your neighborhood. Twenty five percent of them are considered as the nameless individuals walking along with you at the mall or in the streets. And the remaining balance is those people that you’ve never seen in your entire life. 

What made it so amusing is the fact that despite of the good amount of number between the population of men and women, there’s only a slim chances that you will meet someone you actually like and that likes you back on a regular basis. Now why is that? Is it because physical attraction is important more than anything else or we are just born with bad luck?

Lately, I’ve been attending different events both for personal and business use. I realized that finding your next relationship prospect in an event is like searching for a needle in a bunch of hay. There’s only a pinch chances that the guy that you’ve been eyeing throughout the night is not looking at anyone else.  So what will be a common single girl do at times like this? 

There’s only three things on my list; WORK OUT, DRESS UP and GLAM UP!

Yes, no matter how shallow and stupid the idea is, physical attraction is a must. Inner beauty goes along in the package but contrary to others belief; it is not the main starter. For example, you cannot score a date with you looking ugly and wrecked. You have to dress nicely, smile with your face and feel pretty. Someone must notice you and by making that happen, you have to be fully aware that your physical look is as mesmerizing as possible. Whether the intention is long term or just for a night only, you cannot charm a guy with just your kind personality. It’s not bad luck darling! It is how the cookie crumbles.

A friend of mine told me that you cannot see kindness when you are just looking around. Unless you are gifted with a super intelligent see though vision that allows you to read mind and intentions. Otherwise, everyone will just see just how well or bad you look wearing that pink dress. Whether a guy is just looking for sex or long time commitment, you can’t light the fire without a spark. So stop being hypocrite and accept the whole reality… Physical looks may not be the END ALL of things, but it definitely starts something new.

Being the Other Woman

In my quest to find the perfect partner, I often came across lots of different men. I often contemplate it as a big shopping mall. There are men in suits, fat men, buff men, men in uniform, tiny men, tall men, black men, Caucasian men etc. But when luck walks out on me and fate decided to pull a major prank, I repeatedly found myself falling from the worst kind of men- the married one.

As I looked back from where I started, I felt bad while trying to understand the irony of things. Why are there so many amazing unmarried girls and too many amazing married guys? How can we make it equal?

The clock is ticking fast. Every single girl in the world is out there trying to bag the few remaining single men off the hook. And if you don’t hurry up, you’ll find yourself getting old with cats sleeping beside you in bed or spending your life with the “leftovers”. Or in my case, sleeping with a married guy and getting used to call as the other woman.

It wasn’t my plan. Being the other woman is not something I can be proud of. But I can’t help but fall for them because they do know how to please us girls. What I meant was, pleasure in a sense that, they know what, when and how to give that special care that us girls are looking for in a relationship. Married men are often mastered the strategies and formula on how to make us girls happy and contented. So when the time comes that we found out that they are no longer available in the market we can no longer let them go because we are truly, madly, deeply, effin in love with these bastards.

On the other hand, having a forlorn relationship with a married guy is also exciting and invigorating. Why? Because the risk of getting caught is always at stake and being on that pressure makes a single lady like me more eager to make the relationship really HAPPEN. Stealing away someone else husband is now considered as a trend. As bad as it may sound, it really works in real life. And sometimes, the other woman becomes the only woman and the real wife is left with divorced papers.

How can we make it equal? I don’t hella know. But all I can say is, WE single girls should never stop looking for the best kind of relationship. Whether the guy is attached or unattached, it doesn’t matter. As long as both of you believe that whatever you have is true. I can’t believe I am saying this but LOVE really works in mysterious ways. And it does not recognize any boundaries, laws or any marriage contracts. As long as two people are bind together in one understanding… no one could ever stop that.

Women of the New Generation

I’ve been hanging out with my girlfriends almost every night since last week. We wanted to spend the evening without our man and just enjoy the old Girls Just Wanna Have Fun habit. And with Cindy Lauper’s voice singing at the back of our mind and cosmopolitan touching our throat, we bond like teen age girls undergoing puberty. But as we get along and leave the world of sobriety, I realized that Earth really indeed change because the women of the new generation are no longer afraid to speak and stand for what they think is right… most especially about sex. 

Now is it really true, are the women of today are more vocal than men when it comes to bed? Have we grown our own balls? 

It is everywhere—TV, newspapers, radio, magazines and internet. The age of hypocrisy ended and liberation arises. The women of the new generation have spoken; we are no longer slave of tradition.
While walking home from our little shindig and awakening conversation, I decided to write this piece. My girlfriends are not hookers or sluts. As a matter of fact, we came from different aspects and walks of life. We have notable careers and pretty well off social status. And maybe because of that sense of empowerment, we consider the fact that we can now take charge. I am not implying the narrowed ideology of feminism or annihilation of men but informing the world that women are no longer regarded as the weaker gender.

Naughtily speaking, more and more men today are appreciating the various types of woman on top position e.g. cowboy position, reversed cowboy etc. Men, nowadays, can appreciate the fact that women can literally rock their world even if we are doing most of the work. Their man ego isn’t the issue anymore. It is how we managed to give them their sexual satisfaction as well as patronizing ours. For further research, adult sex toys that concentrate in dominatrix role playing have equal variety for both women and men. Point is there’s market for men who like to dress their girl in whipped and leather suits. Men like their chicks to look as bad-ass as possible…

I guess we don’t have to look at this in a bad way. At least by having this kind of open communication during sexual encounter can make “the deed” more pleasing and satisfying. It will no longer be a one sided thing but both man and woman can enjoy every minute of pleasure till the very last drop of their “Big O”. Bottom line is, sex is good but sex is better if both are satisfied and pleased.
 

Prologue

As we drive along this road called life, sometimes, we feel a little bit lost. And we find ourselves trapped in questions or situations that we don’t have any idea what will happen next. Oftentimes, these situations are sensitive and susceptible for public discussion. Most especially if these issues concern sex and romance. No matter how thrilled you are to find answers from your questions, most of us will rather choose to remain quiet and keep it locked inside your closet forever. 

There are few brave hearts who prefer to battle up front but there are still who can’t. As we pace along the road to our destination to find what we are really looking for, most of us can’t help but whine, “Are we there yet?”

I have dated quite a number of male from different places and race. It may or may not be serious but in every relationship I had with them, there’s a lesson learned and memories worth keeping. Regrets are inevitable but it goes along in the package. We can’t do anything about it. But we can learn to avoid those regrets or at least lessen the amount. 

I am a struggling female writer. I am in my late 20's and I don’t have PHD or any title to decorate my name to become credible and reliable but I can assure you that my experiences are well enough to be considered as your guide in finding answers from the pool of questions swimming inside your head. As a writer and a passionate believer, I have envision myself to dedicate my skills to help in keeping the world well- informed on how to deal with things that most people are so scared to face but really matters- our very own sexual dilemmas and issues.

 

This is only the beginning, an introduction to a whole new level of self awareness. On my next entries, I will share you all the things I’ve gone through; from romantic gestures to nerve wracking sex encounters; from serious dates to one night stand; from finding a potential relationship while sipping a cup of coffee in the nearby coffee shop to dirty tequila shots in a bar across the city. So at the end of the day, all of us can be fully aware of what to expect and what’s not.

But don’t get me wrong. I am not a slut or a whore. I just have different definition about life. I deemed that my existence to this world is a road less journey towards happiness. It is like an adventure that needs to be explored. I am not afraid to try new things or indulge myself with something I enjoyed doing. So brace yourself people… because this could be your portal to heaven.